My Strengths for Your Weaknesses

Those Little Foxes

The door always left ajar, that cup left in the sink last night and not refilling the toilet roll, I could go on but I think you get the point. We all have things our spouse does that drives us nuts, little irritants that are not quite enough to murder them in their sleep but just irks us not to return their loving smile from time to time.

A friend told me a story that fundamentally changed the way I approach “little foxes” like these that spoil the vine of love –

A man got increasingly annoyed with his wife every time she left open a drawer of their bedroom’s chest of drawers. Each time he passed by he would bump into the open drawer and it soon became the subject of many arguments. One day their child was playing in their bedroom, ran and bumped into the open drawers resulting in a nasty accident requiring hospital treatment. 

The husband, understandably annoyed, and somewhat vindicated, was about to let his wife have it as she was in tears looking at their child all bandaged up, he heard God say “There is a simple answer, shut the drawers after her”.  He started closing the drawers after her, and soon enough she started closing the drawers but for the husband the lesson was you can focus on the problem or focus on the solution.

How do you respond when your mate does not live up to your standard, do you chide them or deal with it with a touch of passive aggression?

The Weak and the Strong

Every time I remember my friend’s comments, I think of Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 (ESV) –

9 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

A better way might be to consider your partner’s supposed weakness a difference of focus rather than a weakness. Let’s assume a wife is better at washing dishes and every time her husband washes dishes they come out less than sterling (by her standards), she can either focus her energy on trying to get him to up her dishwashing skills, or can appreciate his effort or do the dishes because (supposedly) she is better at it. One solution suggests the her husband has to change, the other leaves her having to change, (despite the moral high ground).

Please note, we are not talking about sinful behaviour like  lying, gambling or infidelity, but preferences on how things should or should not be done in your relationship or in your home. Also, I am not advocating for your spouse to then become lazy and never improve at anything endeavour. What I am advocating for is to leave your spouse to God and try, as long as lies within your power, to cover your spouse’s weakness and put more energy towards two of you becoming one, rather than two of you becoming alike.

A Life full of Grace

Decades back a thought crossed my mind (which I have subsequently seen in a few books on marriage) “if my wife never changed from this moment forward, will I still honour my vow to love her”? Sometimes, we sub-consciously allow these little irritations dictate how we relate to our spouse, we don’t mean to but the light switch left in the empty room in the morning can set the wrong tone later that evening, have you considered if switching it off and moving beyond it might be a better strategy? As someone prone to being pedantic I find this premise challenging, but I also find it to be more Christlike than the alternative.

I will leave you with 2 scriptures that seem to daily call me to this way of life –

Romans 12:10 (ESV)

10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honour.

Philippians 2:4–7 (ESV)

4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.

If our Lord adorned the apron of a servant to wash his disciples’ feet, I am sure a few plates, open doors and unreplenished toilet rolls can be endured with grace, especially given you are not perfect.